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Post by Spider on Jul 19, 2008 12:58:49 GMT -5
US Senator John McCain Senator McCain’s rise to prominence is based largely
on his record as a POW during the Viet Nam war.
Lately people are wondering just how cruel and sadistic those little brown Vietnamese bastards
must have been to him during his years in captivity.
His reluctance to address the illegal immigration problem along the U.S. border with Mexico
has caused some people to speculate that he’s now afraid of all brown people.
McCain, who some people feel should undergo an anger management refresher course,
champions environmental issues and supports the Kyoto Protocol.
As the one time leading candidate to be John Kerry’s Vice Presidential running mate,
McCain is seeking to remake himself into part GOP elephant and part Democrat donkey.
.. Some people say that makes him a ‘half assed’ candidate.
Nonetheless, he plans on firing up his ‘Straight Talk Express’ bus, or ‘ol Smokey’
as some people have nicknamed it, for another run at the Presidency.
This darling of the liberal media who was one of the ‘Keating Five’ in the multi-billion dollar
savings & loan scandal and one of the ‘gang of 14’ organized to pacify liberal democrats
now wants to be the big ‘Number One’.
Many republicans are already said to be flashing him a number one hand sign.
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Post by Spider on Jul 31, 2008 11:55:44 GMT -5
  The Early Bird Express
July 22, 2008
In an effort to reach out to younger voters, John McCain is boarding his bus,
the Early Bird Express, a little later during the campaign season.
Instead of his usual 4:30pm trip to dinner,
the bus will now arrive at the Bob Evans buffet at 5:30pm instead.
“It’s a little strange for me to go to dinner this late,
but luckily I can still make it to bed by 7pm,” McCain noted.
“And, what’s great is that the kids really love the Jell-O molds
at the end of the buffet.
I know I can’t get enough!”
The Early Bird Express bus is equipped
with a number of newfangled features, including:
. Built-in abacus for the fundraising team to count our pennies.
. A steam-powered engine, the latest in locomotive power!
. A Tandy typewriter, perfect for the McCain press team
. A black and white TV, with 4 channels!
. Hi-Fi transistor radio
If you’d like a personal tour of the Early Bird Express,
just hang outside of Bob Evans at 5:30.
See you there!
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Post by Spider on Aug 4, 2008 12:34:38 GMT -5
 Underwear Confession
In an exclusive interview, Barack Obama was asked
what kind of shorts he wears, he answered,
"Sometimes briefs and sometimes shorts".
The same question was put to John McCain
to which his reply was:
"Depends"
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Post by Spider on Aug 16, 2008 10:07:26 GMT -5
 McCain Furious .. As Usual Hothead AZ:
John McCain is apoplectic his new campaign slogan is considered racist.
And it cost the campaign $2.5 million dollars.
The new slogan was unveiled yesterday.
- 'He's Right & He's White' -
The Arizona senator almost had a stroke when reporters
pointed out it could be considered race-baiting.
He spoke to reporters from the porch of his ranch in Hothead Arizona.
"Why you f*ck*ing little c*nts and god-damned sissies,"
yelled the presumptive Republican nominee.
"F*cking morons! The 'white' is about my hair! Dummies!
What did you think I meant!!"
He yelled at reporters.
Ms. Vanilla Fudge is McCain's spoof spokesperson and explained the slogan to the crowd.
"We wanted something simple, such as Nixon's The One, or I Like Ike.
And the 'white' really does refer to John's hair color,
there is no hidden meaning."
"Get inside the house, you c%nt!" growled the senator to Ms. Fudge.
"You're worse than my f&cking wife, you c&nt!
Let me show these fairies something I learned in 'Nam."
Mr. McCain then dropped his pants and mooned the stunned reporters.
"Here's something white for you to all pucker up and kiss,
if you ever get tired of kissing the black one!"
he thundered.
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Post by Spider on Aug 19, 2008 7:24:17 GMT -5
Barack Obama
To Sponsor NASCAR Sprint Cup Car In Florida
Other Cars Told To 'Turn Right' In Protest [/color] Presidential hopeful Barack Obama
will be attempting to reach red state audiences by sponsoring
a NASCAR Sprint Cup car for the Pocono race on August 3rd of this year.
Assuming no one gives it the red flag
this will be the first time that a presidential candidate
has officially sponsored a NASCAR entrant.
The one-time sponsorship deal is part of a larger
"get out the vote" and "make John McCain spend all his money"
initiative by the campaign.
The #49 car is run by BAM Racing and will be driven by Ken Schrader.
Of course, it's a Toyota.
NASCAR, for its part, has been trying to reach out to minority audiences
so it's no surprise this sponsorship will include a fundraiser
with NASCAR fan Randy Moss and Fergie.
The team is run by staunch Republicans,
but they're not going to turn down the money
and after years in racing seem to know how to spot a winner.
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Post by Spider on Sept 29, 2008 10:06:19 GMT -5
 Pakistan shoots down UFO
on notorious alien rat run.
By: queen mudder The craft was seen earlier over the notorious Islamabad-bad-bad to Kandahar rat run.
Islamabad-bad-bad - (X-Files mess):
Pakistani military sources have shot down a UFO over a site that was once the location of a prehistoric mothership base on the notorious Islamabad-bad-bad to Kandahar rat run.
Official government press sources initially laughed off the incident as a
US military drone matter "to avoid stirring up political controversy."
The craft had been seen powering up photon torpedoes over the
country's Jalal Khel nuclear warhead silo in South Waziristan.
"This was no routine surveillance operation," Pakistan Air Force's
Air Chief Marshal Tanvir Mahmood Ahmed said today.
"For years now these aliens have tried to recapture the Atlantean-era sub-warp drive
short-cut to Afghanistan's notorious Tora Bora refuelling hangar. "Luckily we've now shown them we mean business!"
President Asif Ali Zardari has since abandoned his Haloperidol prescription.
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Post by Spider on Jul 18, 2009 22:18:13 GMT -5
GOP Offers Alternative to Obama Health Plan: First Aid Kits in Every Company Cafeteria
WASHINGTON – Senate Republicans offered an alternative to President Obama’s expensive plan to expand health care coverage to all Americans. Unlike the Obama plan, which would require employers with twenty-five or more employees to provide coverage, the GOP plan would require every employer with twenty-five or more employees to have a first aid kit in the company cafeteria.
Sen. Judd Gregg, R-N.H., said that the President’s “supposed health care fix is a health care failure and a disaster for the American people.” The GOP alternative, in contrast, will offer affordable and effective health care for all employees.
“Our plan offers bandages, headache pills and cures for stomach aches,” Judd explained. “Our plan will render medical treatments more accessible than ever. No more waiting to get in to see your physician. Now, just open the first aid kit and reach for the cure.”
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Post by Spider on Jul 19, 2009 12:46:07 GMT -5
~ Clic Pic ~ NOW Says One in Four Women
are Assaulted by Wienermobiles RACINE, Wis. – The Milwaukee Chapter of NOW issued a statement condemning the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile’s crash into a private Racine residence as “an all-too common patriarchal incursion on a woman’s right of privacy by a phallic-like instrument.”
NOW’s spokeswoman, Rosacea Swayne, said that one-in-four women are attacked by the Wienermobile during their lifetimes. Asked by a reporter why these incidents are not well-known, Swayne explained: “Underreporting.” She added: “The fact that no one is reporting all these assaults with Wienermobiles only underscores how prevalent they are.”
Swayne refuted the report that, in this instance, the Wienermobile was driven by a woman and the house it crashed into belonged to a man. “It couldn’t have happened that way. Seriously. Trust me on that one.”
Oscar Mayer issued a statement noting that the Wienermobile would have slid into the home’s garage without causing any damage to the house if it had been properly lathered with K-Y Jelly, consistent with Oscar Meyer corporate policy.
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